Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash

You may listen to this message on my Anchor podcast Moving K.O.R.E. WORD by clicking on the link here:  Episode 13

In the previous message, Version of Self to Shoulder Responsibility, we learned that we can exhort those close to us through encouragement we give by coming alongside and helping a family member, brother or sister in Christ, or an unbeliever:

1) to do a task together by making it easier

2) to pray with and be with during a difficulty by showing compassion

3) to encourage in believing and trusting in JESUS ongoing by living out our faith…

 In this message, I share GOD’s Word and wise advice when dating to discover the spouse GOD has in mind to be your lifelong mate…

First off, I’m not perfect and didn’t make wise decisions I should have before dating and while dating.  I made many mistakes.  GOD has forgiven me and has restored my life.  If HE did that for me, HE will do that for anyone who will turn to HIM and repent, ask for forgiveness, and recommit to living pure and holy before HIM…

When I was young, I did not live pure and holy before the LORD.  If I had been committed to living pure and holy, I would have been saved from much hurt, shame, and guilt.  I do remember at the age of 17 asking GOD to provide me a wife in HIS timing so that much is good… 

I only went on one date in high school in taking her to a movie.  My first long-term relationship occurred at the age of 19 in college that lasted less than a year before she moved back to England.  My next relationship happened at the age of 20 for a short time.  I was still immature and selfish.  After this break-up, I cried out to GOD for guidance and direction.  I was struggling deeply and was in desperate need of HIS help.  I started to go to church on my own.  Drawn by the Holy Spirit and GOD’s love during worship, I asked JESUS to be the LORD of my life…  I attended the college age singles group and enjoyed the fellowship.  My self-esteem improved and I was much more open with others and given a love for others that grew within…  However, it wouldn’t last and turbulent years were ahead.

When I moved away to the university, I stopped attending church and didn’t go to a new one.  I didn’t join a Christian group on campus.  I tried growing up on my own.  Without being taught the Word, worshipping GOD, and fellowshipping with other brothers and sisters;  I began to stray and wander off into the ways of the world.  I became depressed and a mental illness may have begun to develop during this time.  I struggled with my faith, wondering if GOD would intervene and help me, and thought at times I was destined for hell.  I began not to eat and over time became suicidal with an attempt to take my life at the age of 24.  You can read more about my life then and the change GOD did for me (along with inspired poems written) here:  www.suicidenotmyheart.wordpress.com

 After a time in a psychiatric hospital, I began to attend a church again and joined the singles group.  I soon dated and had a relationship with a woman I met there that was the longest lasting compared to my other 2 previous attempts.  However, I would soon break-off that relationship and little did I know GOD was drawing my future wife, Tami, to me at a Christian emergency shelter for abused and neglected children where we both worked.

I was drawn to her because she loved and cared for children, knew the Word of GOD and talked about it, and we prayed together during shift changes.  She didn’t have a car and I would take her places she needed to go to.  We began to hang out together more and more.  I would learn later that GOD had spoken to her that I would marry her.  I soon made the decision to do just that and marry her for I loved and respected her immensely.

What is my advice after what I’ve learned about relationships?

1)  You, yourself, choose to live pure and holy.

2)  Ask GOD to provide you a spouse in HIS timing.

3)  Look for the person you love and respect, because of their close walk with the LORD.

4)  Spend time getting to know them in a healthy way and not rush the relationship.

5)  Wait on GOD to point out the right person to marry.

 

Matthew 7:16-20

16 By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17 Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

I was drawn to my wife because of her fruit displayed inwardly and outwardly in its essence of being love toward GOD and others…  We were drawn together by the Holy Spirit…  We prayed together…  We enjoyed one another’s company much more than a physical attraction only…

To my daughter coming of age:

 I am quickened in my spirit by GOD as I’ve been praying for you more lately.

 I’ve been asking GOD to protect you often and I don’t know if there is a reason for this (if you’re tempted right now or dabbling in what isn’t good or it may just be that I need to pray).

 I’ve asked GOD to keep you as the apple of HIS eye…  HE is ultimately able to protect, lead, and guide you…  I do have a responsibility to do my part.

Think of it like this:  If you had a daughter, would you want to protect her and keep her safe?  I want you to think about this as you make your decisions:  Would I want or let my daughter do what I’m doing or about to do?

You know from GOD’s Word what is right and wrong…  You know that GOD the FATHER wants you to live pure and holy…  If you stray from this, HE will discipline you as HIS child for your good…  However, I want you to make safe and wise decisions so as not to have to go through harsh discipline for you to relearn what is right and wrong and what is pure and holy…

You’re older and we’ve given you some more freedom.  You have your own car, but that doesn’t mean you should go to certain places or with certain people that is negative.

You have your own phone without us monitoring.  That doesn’t mean you watch things that are inappropriate, send pics of yourself revealing your essence to someone you’re not married to, or talk to random people you meet online that you don’t know for sure are safe and love JESUS…

I’ve prayed for you to have someone special come into your life…  You need only wait on GOD’s timing and way…

I’ve prayed for your future spouse to be saved, protected, kept pure and holy, and to be blessed as well as his family…

You are allowed to date and so I give you some guidelines to protect you:

1)  You can go on a date with someone you meet who you feel safe with and like after getting to know them well (not in an online game or chat room).

2)  You need to let us know his name and phone number when you go out.

3)  You need not go to a secluded place to talk or make out.  This will be your greatest challenge.  You already like to go to a far off river.  You like to go sit in your car at a park or even in the driveway.  You may think you know the person well, but going with them away from the public secretly is dangerous.  If he likes you, he will be alright meeting you at a public restaurant or a movie where other people also meet.  You are not to rush the relationship and go to his place if he is older and on his own who may take advantage of you to rape or abuse you.  You should meet separately at a public safe place by driving your own vehicle, not go with him in his at least until you know him better and can trust that he is safe and loves JESUS and will treat you well…

4)  You are not to go to a bar with an older guy.  Guys that hang out at bars probably drink and even if not, this is not a positive place.

5) You should be interested in someone who loves JESUS and you will know him by his fruit.  If he talks degradingly to you, only talks about sex, cusses a lot, is rude, etc., he is not worthy of your love…  You don’t give your whole self (body, mind, soul, and spirit) to someone who is disrespectful to women or to GOD…  It’s not going to work out well and you can be hurt…

6)  Dating is not to try out, experiment with, or engage in sex outside of marriage.  Dating a guy is meant to see how well you get along, if you have the same values, can talk about common interests, can pray to GOD together, talk about JESUS, and have respect for one another.  Sex is a gift and if waited for is a special experience between husband and wife and meant ultimately for growing a family of your own and to be close with one another only in marriage.

7)  If you are tempted to keep a boy/guy away from our knowledge, then that is a warning sign that he isn’t worthwhile to date.  If you are tempted to stay out later than 11:00 p.m., meeting with a guy out late at night is only asking for trouble.  If you are tempted to engage with strangers you’ve never met in person online or by phone, that has potential for a dangerous outcome.  You really don’t know if they’re being truthful about how they look, how they really are, how old they really are etc.

I say all this because you’re my first born daughter and I want you to be safe, to know GOD has a plan for who you are already to marry, that dating can be fun and exciting if done safely with the right precautions and letting us know without it being a secret, and because I simply love you…

I hope and pray you will take all this to heart and follow these precautions…  You will have greater success in your future relationship, will be safer, and will be able to develop healthy relationship behaviors…

If you let Mom and me know you’re going on a date, where you’re going, what his name is and his number, don’t stay out later than 11 -then you’ll have our permission to do so.  Hiding from us or going secretly is a recipe for disaster or may become major problems for you.  I don’t want you to learn the hard way.

Just an FYI if I haven’t made myself clear -I don’t give you permission to drink (you’re under age), smoke, do drugs, or have recreational sex (like it’s no big deal, everybody is doing it).  No, not everyone is doing it and not everyone has to make that irresponsible choice to do any of these harmful things…

Learn to be wise…  Make wise choices…

The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.  Proverbs 27:12

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33

Love from my heart to yours my precious daughter!!…

Dad

 

To my son coming of age: 

I pray for you my son to live pure and holy before the LORD…

Learn to be wise and make wise decisions in your life…

Know that GOD will provide the right woman for you to marry in HIS timing and way…

I am praying for her to be saved, to be pure and holy, to be protected, and to be blessed both her and her family…

It is alright for you to go on dates to get to know a young woman better. 

1) Meet her parents and listen to them.  When you go out, keep her safe and secure.  Bring her home by 11.  Do not lead her into temptation, rather show her right boundaries that would make her a better person than before she met you…  Do not engage in underage drinking, drugs, reckless driving, or speak with negative language…

2) Treat her with respect and with honor before the LORD even if she is not the one to be your wife…

3) Do not engage in sexual behavior before marriage…  Save yourself for the special one GOD has chosen for you…

1 Corinthians 6:18

18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.

4) Do not go to a secluded place, but stay together in public places to keep accountable and safe.

5) Find the woman you are able to know who has a saving knowledge and relationship with JESUS, who desires to live for GOD and serve HIM, who is able to pray with you, and who will join with you on life’s journey in the purpose and vision GOD gives to carry out…

6) If you stray, wander off, run away, or seek the pleasures of this world instead of following my advice, honoring GOD, and continuing in a close walk with JESUS -then GOD will discipline you (even harshly) to turn your life back around because you’re HIS child and HE loves you too much to see you go off on your own and fall into the world’s trap…

7) Further instruction to only love the wife GOD chooses for you:

 

Proverbs 5:1-23

Warning Against Adultery

5 My son, pay attention to my wisdom,

turn your ear to my words of insight,

2 that you may maintain discretion

and your lips may preserve knowledge.

3 For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey,

and her speech is smoother than oil;

4 but in the end she is bitter as gall,

sharp as a double-edged sword.

5 Her feet go down to death;

her steps lead straight to the grave.

6 She gives no thought to the way of life;

her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it.

7 Now then, my sons, listen to me;

do not turn aside from what I say.

8 Keep to a path far from her,

do not go near the door of her house,

9 lest you lose your honor to others

and your dignity to one who is cruel,

10 lest strangers feast on your wealth

and your toil enrich the house of another.

11 At the end of your life you will groan,

when your flesh and body are spent.

12 You will say, “How I hated discipline!

How my heart spurned correction!

13 I would not obey my teachers

or turn my ear to my instructors.

14 And I was soon in serious trouble

in the assembly of God’s people.”

15 Drink water from your own cistern,

running water from your own well.

16 Should your springs overflow in the streets,

your streams of water in the public squares?

17 Let them be yours alone,

never to be shared with strangers.

18 May your fountain be blessed,

and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

19 A loving doe, a graceful deer—

may her breasts satisfy you always,

may you ever be intoxicated with her love.

20 Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife?

Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?

21 For your ways are in full view of the Lord,

and he examines all your paths.

22 The evil deeds of the wicked ensnare them;

the cords of their sins hold them fast.

23 For lack of discipline they will die,

led astray by their own great folly.

Proverbs 6:20-35

Warning Against Adultery

20 My son, keep your father’s command

    and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.

21 Bind them always on your heart;

    fasten them around your neck.

22 When you walk, they will guide you;

    when you sleep, they will watch over you;

    when you awake, they will speak to you.

23 For this command is a lamp,

    this teaching is a light,

and correction and instruction

    are the way to life,

24 keeping you from your neighbor’s wife,

    from the smooth talk of a wayward woman.

25 Do not lust in your heart after her beauty

    or let her captivate you with her eyes.

26 For a prostitute can be had for a loaf of bread,

    but another man’s wife preys on your very life.

27 Can a man scoop fire into his lap

    without his clothes being burned?

28 Can a man walk on hot coals

    without his feet being scorched?

29 So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife;

    no one who touches her will go unpunished.

30 People do not despise a thief if he steals

    to satisfy his hunger when he is starving.

31 Yet if he is caught, he must pay sevenfold,

    though it costs him all the wealth of his house.

32 But a man who commits adultery has no sense;

    whoever does so destroys himself.

33 Blows and disgrace are his lot,

    and his shame will never be wiped away.

34 For jealousy arouses a husband’s fury,

    and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge.

35 He will not accept any compensation;

    he will refuse a bribe, however great it is.

Proverbs 7:1-27

Warning Against the Adulterous Woman

7 My son, keep my words

and store up my commands within you.

2 Keep my commands and you will live;

guard my teachings as the apple of your eye.

3 Bind them on your fingers;

write them on the tablet of your heart.

4 Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,”

and to insight, “You are my relative.”

5 They will keep you from the adulterous woman,

from the wayward woman with her seductive words.

6 At the window of my house

I looked down through the lattice.

7 I saw among the simple,

I noticed among the young men,

a youth who had no sense.

8 He was going down the street near her corner,

walking along in the direction of her house

9 at twilight, as the day was fading,

as the dark of night set in.

10 Then out came a woman to meet him,

dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent.

11 (She is unruly and defiant,

her feet never stay at home;

12 now in the street, now in the squares,

at every corner she lurks.)

13 She took hold of him and kissed him

and with a brazen face she said:

14 “Today I fulfilled my vows,

and I have food from my fellowship offering at home.

15 So I came out to meet you;

I looked for you and have found you!

16 I have covered my bed

with colored linens from Egypt.

17 I have perfumed my bed

with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon.

18 Come, let’s drink deeply of love till morning;

let’s enjoy ourselves with love!

19 My husband is not at home;

he has gone on a long journey.

20 He took his purse filled with money

and will not be home till full moon.”

21 With persuasive words she led him astray;

she seduced him with her smooth talk.

22 All at once he followed her

like an ox going to the slaughter,

like a deer stepping into a noose

23 till an arrow pierces his liver,

like a bird darting into a snare,

little knowing it will cost him his life.

24 Now then, my sons, listen to me;

pay attention to what I say.

25 Do not let your heart turn to her ways

or stray into her paths.

26 Many are the victims she has brought down;

her slain are a mighty throng.

27 Her house is a highway to the grave,

leading down to the chambers of death.

Psalm 119:9

9 How can a young man keep his way pure?

By guarding it according to your word.

 Love from my heart to yours my warrior son…

Dad

I encourage you my daughters and sons as well as daughters and sons of other parents who are reading this… Live your lives for JESUS in being pure and holy, dating safely with right boundaries, and allow for GOD our FATHER to open your heart to the spouse HE has personally hand picked and chosen just for you…  Trust in HIS timing and way…

 

Psalm 37:4

4 Take delight in the Lord,

    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

 

If you want to connect, do so here:  Connect

If you need encouragement, prayer, or help finding GOD’s forgiveness/new life/change in direction from sexual sin -reach out to me and I will help you.  I’ve been there and GOD has changed my life for the better.  Write to me here:  Share Your Life

If you are interested in finding out how you can be involved in K.O.R.E. Ministry, do so here:  Get Involved

Remember:  JESUS loves you…